Hey man I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate this article, especially at this time. I feel that it is somewhat providential that I have come across it. I'm a young Orthodox Catechumen who hasn't been to liturgy in about five weeks because I was struck by a crisis of faith surrounding the exact same anguish, observing the multitudinous orgy of sinful omission, complicity, and complacency present within a Christianity that follows a culture more than it does Christ. The awareness of this phenomenon in not only American Christendom and not only in so-called "internet-Orthodoxy," but in the parish that is supposed to be a bastion of protection from the evangelical fundamentalism I was raised in has struck me deeply. I truly appreciate this article as I attempt to breathe through this tumultuous season.
I have no inborn insight whatsoever, nor qualifications, but if I may offer one piece of unwarranted and unsolicited advice from a person suffering according to a paradox akin to you own, there is something that I have found helpful. I actually was looking at your substack and found this article in particular whilst researching Dostoevsky. And amid my own love for art and my own lack of being some great social worker or person of agency--just a hapless 19 year-old playing Fire Emblem, reading, and whistling along to Blood on the Tracks for the ten millionth time--I've been thinking about the nature of Christian love and the calling to help the world when everything seems predestined towards darkness curling around and snuffing out the last torches placed alongside the pathways of life. And Dostoevsky has been my only consolation. The oft-cited remark, "beauty will save the world" is meaningful in a specific sense that is often overlooked. If we look at the total picture, life will always appear dismal and impossible to change. But it is in particularity that the efficacy of love is possible. It is a virtuous thing to think that one ought to hyper-emphasize every second of time so that it may be optimized for the maximum contribution towards social utility, but this is an inhuman relationship to the world. It is in relating to the world in particularity that we live for the beauty of the present and come to the aid of those given to us, and it is in this calling that we aid the whole. For however great it may be to aid society at large, there is a sense in which it is an even greater calling to help a single friend, to love a single person such that they might have joy and life. For the many are capable of helping society, and we ought to do our part, but there is a scarcity of those who can help particular persons, who can adore particular flowers, because only those with the proper proximity can aid them truly. That being said, we must focus on the whole story, and attempt to help society at large. But as individuals, we are only effective, and only happy, when we live for particularity, aiming to find and promote the beauty present within the little lilies of the field that belong especially to our garden. We save the world through the joy and love granted to us by the beauty of particulars. It is this that will redeem us, universally.
I don't know if that's helpful or coherent. But may God bless you
"Is it true, prince, that you once declared that ‘beauty would save the world’? Great Heaven! The prince says that beauty saves the world! And I declare that he only has such playful ideas because he’s in love! Gentlemen, the prince is in love. I guessed it the moment he came in. Don’t blush, prince; you make me sorry for you. What beauty saves the world?" - Ippolit
Ah, sickly little Ippolit speaks to my heart, and so have you. The Idiot is my favorite work of fiction, and I resonate with the Prince so deeply (especially with his flaws revealed at the end of the book). I so deeply appreciate this comment, and your appreciation of my post. You've hit on several points that have been occupying my mind, and I wish I could express to you all the ways providence can weave a simple comment like yours into the spiritual life of a random, unpopular Internet philosopher. The bit about loving and being beautiful in particularity is very helpful, and dovetails nicely with a personal struggle that I cannot even begin to explain here. Thanks so much.
Perhaps an update will be helpful to you in some way. If not, disregard!
Since writing this, my angst over it has gotten a bit better, but not without cost. Essentially, part of my pain and sadness was twisted together with an anxiety and fear about what all this imperfection meant for the Orthodox Church's claim to be "the one true Church" and, more importantly, to communicate to its laity the Life of the Spirit. For if it did so, why would we see so many parishes infected with such disgusting evils? It doesn't seem to dole out the Love of God to parishioners in many parishes I've been to... The entire claim of the Church is that it connects its people to God. How could that be when the people make themselves so ugly? So my grief was also a grief that was causing me to doubt, though it was a sort of fuzzy doubt, that is a bit hard to articulate.
I encourage you to remain on your catechesis journey, and to embrace the Orthodox ascetic, moral, mystical tradition, or should I say organism, or life force. I believe, and have now admitted to myself that I actually believe it, that the Church is not a single institution but an organism that persists through history, in ways that we cannot quite define and divide neatly. I have let go of all opinions about institutional authority, etc. I am still very much Orthodox, agree with the 7 councils, and love the spiritual life of the Church and think it is right. But I refuse to burden myself any longer with any claim to exclusivism, or even claims that the organism of the Church and life of the Holy Spirit is guaranteed to be present in our Churches over time. With this, I feel much less cognitive dissonance, and simply am Orthodox because I think, after study, that it and it's practices and core beliefs and traditions partake of the Spirit. I've tried the life, and see that it is good and the highest moral vision of the world possible. I can say that and simply also say, "yes, many parishes in the US and elsewhere are sick and, perhaps, are not partaking in much of the Spirit." I can also say simply now, as I look through history, that the institutions and people often err terribly, harmfully, as I do now. And yet, because I am allowing myself to now believe that I only need look for the Life of the Spirit and Divine manifesting in particular places, people and institutions at particular times and to different, particular degrees, I don't need to worry about any of this. I simply need, with humility, love, and diligence, to try to partake of that Life and Love, too. I don't need to justify any institutions, any mechanical historical continuities, any dogmatic statements except for insofar as they have this Life. So far, I have been utterly convinced that where Catholic and Orthodox agree is where that Life is most fully present. So I live within that and work within it, while praying for increased clarity and guidance. I drop whatever is not helpful, after prayer and reflection, and am comfortable simply leaving a parish if I cannot see the Life in them.
This has eased my anxiety over all this greatly, allowing me to feel sadness and a desire to help love these people, so they might love others.
What has also helped is taking the last 6 months off reading Orthodox theology and philosophy. Instead, I've been reading about Japanese religion: Buddhism, and Shinto. What I've realized by doing this is that Orthodox and Mystical Christianity in general stands as a worthy religion alongside these, with plausible truth claims and incredible moral and spiritual teachings, even if it lost nearly all its institutional aspects. Zen Buddhists and Shinto priests do not need some claim to perfect historical transmission and institutionality to believe that their religions are "live options."
I hope that strikes a chord with you, but if not, oh well! If you ever want to talk, stay in touch. It sounds like we have a lot in common. I also love Fire Emblem, though I'm behind on the last few games...
Have you listened to Fr. John Behr's recent Figel lecture, or any of his recent lectures on ecclesiology? I could be misunderstanding but I feel you've communicated very similar ideas here. Hope you're doing ok!!
Thanks for the recommendation, I just listened to it today. Yes, I am substantially in agreement with him, which is a comfort for me. I also very much enjoy Lawrence Kleenewerck's "His Broken Body," which has many similarities.
I'm doing a lot better right now, thank you so much for your concern and prayers! It means a lot to me. If there's anything you want to see me write on and address, please let me know.
Very happy to hear you're doing better... You're not the only one struggling with mental health and Christian faithfulness and it encourages me to see your persistence when it must feel like it would be easier to give up. Please be assured of my continued prayers!!
Thank you for this. This is beyond helpful. I have found this approach in Khomyakov and feel that its the only way to truly see things.
As quoted from his wikipedia article:
"It is difficult to find a freer sense of the Church. Nothing coerces Khomyakov. In his relation to the Church there is nothing from outside; all is from within. For him, life in the Church is life in freedom. Indeed, the Church is unity in love and freedom. The Church is not an institution and not an authority. The Church has nothing juridical, no rationalization. For Khomyakov, wherever one finds genuine love in Christ, freedom in Christ, unity in Christ, there one finds the Church. No formal characteristics define the essence of the Church. Even the universal councils are genuinely universal and therefore authoritative only because they are freely and lovingly sanctioned by the people of the Church. Free sobornost in love -- this is where one finds the true organism of the Church."
You are speaking from love, my friend. You are speaking from love. I shared some thoughts on this in a restack-note I just made, which can be found here:
It might be of great comfort to you to look into Kairos Palestine, whom I believe represent some of the final remaining truly-Christian actors w/regards to the genocide unfolding in Gaza (yes, GENOCIDE).
This is a very timely and honest post. The fact, in itself, that you are willing to honestly examine your own heart and admit that it falls short, is a strength beyond what, unfortunately, increasingly few people seem to be able to do.
Admittedly, I myself have had to a large degree, cut myself off from various sources of media and social media or what not, simply in order to not let my peace be disturbed. This is not to say, I do not intentionally stay in the loop enough through occasionally scanning headlines and purusing some articles, and it is not to say that there is not seriously horrible stuff going on today. It's more just to say, that other than being informed enough to know the basic state of affairs, media has no use but to provoke passions and hatred. This is how people make money from podcasts to newspapers to just about anything out there. If I were you, I may consider, trying to intake the minimal necessary to be informed, so that you can pray for what must be prayed for, and do to your ability what can be done, but no more.
One thing though--or really two--that I want to say to encourage you is this. First of all, love for enemies, is the mark of a saint,of the culmination of theosis, or at least of reaching an extraordinarily mature spiritual state. That is not to say we should not seek to do it, but rather that it is something which takes much spiritual growth and grace. Secondly, despair even over one's failures or other's failures is a passion. This is not to say that we don't care, but pity and grief, are different, than despair. As far as I can tell, the only way to live in this world with true love, is not to eliminate what has always the case: this world is not heaven, but full of madness, wickedness, and most often it is not intentional as much as the product of people being a heard or mob who have no clue how to discern their right from left hand. Whether 10,000 years ago or or in our supposed age of "progress," we have to admit and reconcile the fact that we live in hell and that to love our neighbors is not as much to fix them--how can we make anyone do anything, really?--but to enter into the hell that much of the world is currently in.
For instance, it's easy to think of Donald Trump as on easy street even though he's a false prophet and unrepentant narcissist doing unthinkable things; but, if we look more closely, the truth is that there is no greater hell, or few greater hells than the one he is currently in. No one is more lonely and dead, and constantly besieged by the passions than a narcissist; and nothing is more pitiable--because of how terrible it must be--to not know love or how to love. Now this is not excusing any of his actions or to say he's not going to suffer greatly for what he has done in the next life. Rather, it is to notice that as Dosteovsky said, "people, even the wicked, are much more naive and simple-hearted than we suppose."
So what do we do? We realize two things. One, that if we can't acquire a spirit of peace then we will never truly have something to offer others--or thousands as St. Seraphim of Sarov did. And two, this world, and our life in this world is but our gestation in the womb--eternal life will come and as bad as this sounds--those who suffer in this life will receive crowns and those who evade suffering will find torment. Physical torment in this life is nothing compared to the torment of someone even in this life who is spiritually dead. In war, people can become heroic saints just simply because love emerges for their brother or sister. In the most horrific of circumstances, spiritual heroism may emerge; but, in times of comfort, and idleness, when we think we have all we need by acquiring material comforts, we more often than not, will find ourselves in the next life experiencing the hell we evaded in this life of all those who we ignored and because of having never known love at all. Nothing is worse than to not love, and the pain you feel is because you do love. Christ descended even unto hell and as hard as this sounds, should we want to become a healing presence in this world, to a degree we must realize that to see clearly in this life and to not evade it's truth is hell. But if we allow Christ to enter into this hell, his love that eclipses death, corruption, and even the difference between being and non-being, then I think, we will not only learn love for our enemies, but Christ within us will begin to pray and at that point, we become the point where evil stops and grace enters the world.
Our age is an age polluted by it's sense of self-righteous progress; but we have only hid the evil better and kept it more out of sight. If anything people today are generally more spiritually dead than in ages when they had no choice but to cry out to God. I am not trying to excuse anything or anyone here, but we are not God, but if we allow God to meet us, as we keep our mind in hell and despair not, then we will rise with him even in this life, and begin to know how to pray with true love, with sacrificial love, taking on the burdens of others, and coming to see that we should mourn because of what is happening, but not hate; for more pitiable than anyone in this world are those who run it and who have lost the capacity to love and see the very vacuousness of their own souls and hearts.
I hope this helps. And I'm not saying not to do anything physical or material to help others, but only trying to be realistic about the limitations of what we can do in this manner.
Thank you for writing this, Pierce. I want you to know that you are certainly not alone in this. In reading your words, I found my own recent thoughts expressed quite clearly and honestly. Your words were like a bonegraft for my own grief, and I appreciate your honesty and contrition very much. Pray for me, too. I have no other hope than that of the gospel, but sometimes, in our despair, the good news sounds hollowed out and flimsy. I'm not sure there's any getting around that. It must be lived through.
Praying for you and yours in this mutual wilderness
I want you to know: your broken-hearted honesty is not a disqualification—it is a proof that Christ is alive within you.
The saints did not love the world because they found it lovable; they loved because they knew Christ’s love was stronger than its hatred. What you are feeling—the shattering, the sorrow, the unbearable ache for justice and true mercy—is not a sign of failure. It is the wound of God opening inside you. It is participation in the Cross.
In Desert and Fire, I often write that true love is not sentimental; it is crucified. It bleeds. It questions. It aches in the silence when easy answers have rotted away. And yet—and this is the miracle—it holds on. However frail, however trembling, it clings.
You are closer to Him than you think, because you are sharing in His agony for the world. The flame may seem like it is flickering out, but even a hidden ember is enough for resurrection. Christ does not ask you to save the world—only to stay with Him in the garden a little longer, even if it is in tears, even if it is in weariness and confusion.
Your cry matters. Your love, however battered, is still love. And the God you are fighting to believe in is even now fighting for you, more fiercely than you know.
Do not lose heart. You are not alone. I am praying for you today.
If I may suggest a book. “Experience Jesus. Really.” By John Eldridge A Protestant author with a seemingly simplistic approach and message….appropriate for a New York Times best selling author. But it’s deeper than it seems on the surface and I find myself beginning to find hope (and love) again. He writes for the “ordinary mystic” which will not sell well with the Protestant religions who shudder at the word mystic.
you’re welcome. I hope you find it edifying. I recommend the actual book as opposed to the audible. I have both and the book goes down much smoother than the audible reading. My personal opinion anyway.
Hey man I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate this article, especially at this time. I feel that it is somewhat providential that I have come across it. I'm a young Orthodox Catechumen who hasn't been to liturgy in about five weeks because I was struck by a crisis of faith surrounding the exact same anguish, observing the multitudinous orgy of sinful omission, complicity, and complacency present within a Christianity that follows a culture more than it does Christ. The awareness of this phenomenon in not only American Christendom and not only in so-called "internet-Orthodoxy," but in the parish that is supposed to be a bastion of protection from the evangelical fundamentalism I was raised in has struck me deeply. I truly appreciate this article as I attempt to breathe through this tumultuous season.
I have no inborn insight whatsoever, nor qualifications, but if I may offer one piece of unwarranted and unsolicited advice from a person suffering according to a paradox akin to you own, there is something that I have found helpful. I actually was looking at your substack and found this article in particular whilst researching Dostoevsky. And amid my own love for art and my own lack of being some great social worker or person of agency--just a hapless 19 year-old playing Fire Emblem, reading, and whistling along to Blood on the Tracks for the ten millionth time--I've been thinking about the nature of Christian love and the calling to help the world when everything seems predestined towards darkness curling around and snuffing out the last torches placed alongside the pathways of life. And Dostoevsky has been my only consolation. The oft-cited remark, "beauty will save the world" is meaningful in a specific sense that is often overlooked. If we look at the total picture, life will always appear dismal and impossible to change. But it is in particularity that the efficacy of love is possible. It is a virtuous thing to think that one ought to hyper-emphasize every second of time so that it may be optimized for the maximum contribution towards social utility, but this is an inhuman relationship to the world. It is in relating to the world in particularity that we live for the beauty of the present and come to the aid of those given to us, and it is in this calling that we aid the whole. For however great it may be to aid society at large, there is a sense in which it is an even greater calling to help a single friend, to love a single person such that they might have joy and life. For the many are capable of helping society, and we ought to do our part, but there is a scarcity of those who can help particular persons, who can adore particular flowers, because only those with the proper proximity can aid them truly. That being said, we must focus on the whole story, and attempt to help society at large. But as individuals, we are only effective, and only happy, when we live for particularity, aiming to find and promote the beauty present within the little lilies of the field that belong especially to our garden. We save the world through the joy and love granted to us by the beauty of particulars. It is this that will redeem us, universally.
I don't know if that's helpful or coherent. But may God bless you
"Is it true, prince, that you once declared that ‘beauty would save the world’? Great Heaven! The prince says that beauty saves the world! And I declare that he only has such playful ideas because he’s in love! Gentlemen, the prince is in love. I guessed it the moment he came in. Don’t blush, prince; you make me sorry for you. What beauty saves the world?" - Ippolit
Ah, sickly little Ippolit speaks to my heart, and so have you. The Idiot is my favorite work of fiction, and I resonate with the Prince so deeply (especially with his flaws revealed at the end of the book). I so deeply appreciate this comment, and your appreciation of my post. You've hit on several points that have been occupying my mind, and I wish I could express to you all the ways providence can weave a simple comment like yours into the spiritual life of a random, unpopular Internet philosopher. The bit about loving and being beautiful in particularity is very helpful, and dovetails nicely with a personal struggle that I cannot even begin to explain here. Thanks so much.
Perhaps an update will be helpful to you in some way. If not, disregard!
Since writing this, my angst over it has gotten a bit better, but not without cost. Essentially, part of my pain and sadness was twisted together with an anxiety and fear about what all this imperfection meant for the Orthodox Church's claim to be "the one true Church" and, more importantly, to communicate to its laity the Life of the Spirit. For if it did so, why would we see so many parishes infected with such disgusting evils? It doesn't seem to dole out the Love of God to parishioners in many parishes I've been to... The entire claim of the Church is that it connects its people to God. How could that be when the people make themselves so ugly? So my grief was also a grief that was causing me to doubt, though it was a sort of fuzzy doubt, that is a bit hard to articulate.
I encourage you to remain on your catechesis journey, and to embrace the Orthodox ascetic, moral, mystical tradition, or should I say organism, or life force. I believe, and have now admitted to myself that I actually believe it, that the Church is not a single institution but an organism that persists through history, in ways that we cannot quite define and divide neatly. I have let go of all opinions about institutional authority, etc. I am still very much Orthodox, agree with the 7 councils, and love the spiritual life of the Church and think it is right. But I refuse to burden myself any longer with any claim to exclusivism, or even claims that the organism of the Church and life of the Holy Spirit is guaranteed to be present in our Churches over time. With this, I feel much less cognitive dissonance, and simply am Orthodox because I think, after study, that it and it's practices and core beliefs and traditions partake of the Spirit. I've tried the life, and see that it is good and the highest moral vision of the world possible. I can say that and simply also say, "yes, many parishes in the US and elsewhere are sick and, perhaps, are not partaking in much of the Spirit." I can also say simply now, as I look through history, that the institutions and people often err terribly, harmfully, as I do now. And yet, because I am allowing myself to now believe that I only need look for the Life of the Spirit and Divine manifesting in particular places, people and institutions at particular times and to different, particular degrees, I don't need to worry about any of this. I simply need, with humility, love, and diligence, to try to partake of that Life and Love, too. I don't need to justify any institutions, any mechanical historical continuities, any dogmatic statements except for insofar as they have this Life. So far, I have been utterly convinced that where Catholic and Orthodox agree is where that Life is most fully present. So I live within that and work within it, while praying for increased clarity and guidance. I drop whatever is not helpful, after prayer and reflection, and am comfortable simply leaving a parish if I cannot see the Life in them.
This has eased my anxiety over all this greatly, allowing me to feel sadness and a desire to help love these people, so they might love others.
What has also helped is taking the last 6 months off reading Orthodox theology and philosophy. Instead, I've been reading about Japanese religion: Buddhism, and Shinto. What I've realized by doing this is that Orthodox and Mystical Christianity in general stands as a worthy religion alongside these, with plausible truth claims and incredible moral and spiritual teachings, even if it lost nearly all its institutional aspects. Zen Buddhists and Shinto priests do not need some claim to perfect historical transmission and institutionality to believe that their religions are "live options."
I hope that strikes a chord with you, but if not, oh well! If you ever want to talk, stay in touch. It sounds like we have a lot in common. I also love Fire Emblem, though I'm behind on the last few games...
Love you, my new friend!
Have you listened to Fr. John Behr's recent Figel lecture, or any of his recent lectures on ecclesiology? I could be misunderstanding but I feel you've communicated very similar ideas here. Hope you're doing ok!!
Thanks for the recommendation, I just listened to it today. Yes, I am substantially in agreement with him, which is a comfort for me. I also very much enjoy Lawrence Kleenewerck's "His Broken Body," which has many similarities.
I'm doing a lot better right now, thank you so much for your concern and prayers! It means a lot to me. If there's anything you want to see me write on and address, please let me know.
Very happy to hear you're doing better... You're not the only one struggling with mental health and Christian faithfulness and it encourages me to see your persistence when it must feel like it would be easier to give up. Please be assured of my continued prayers!!
Thank you for this. This is beyond helpful. I have found this approach in Khomyakov and feel that its the only way to truly see things.
As quoted from his wikipedia article:
"It is difficult to find a freer sense of the Church. Nothing coerces Khomyakov. In his relation to the Church there is nothing from outside; all is from within. For him, life in the Church is life in freedom. Indeed, the Church is unity in love and freedom. The Church is not an institution and not an authority. The Church has nothing juridical, no rationalization. For Khomyakov, wherever one finds genuine love in Christ, freedom in Christ, unity in Christ, there one finds the Church. No formal characteristics define the essence of the Church. Even the universal councils are genuinely universal and therefore authoritative only because they are freely and lovingly sanctioned by the people of the Church. Free sobornost in love -- this is where one finds the true organism of the Church."
Praying for you friend! Never give up! Love does conquer all !
You are speaking from love, my friend. You are speaking from love. I shared some thoughts on this in a restack-note I just made, which can be found here:
https://substack.com/@qafqaz/note/c-115420628
It might be of great comfort to you to look into Kairos Palestine, whom I believe represent some of the final remaining truly-Christian actors w/regards to the genocide unfolding in Gaza (yes, GENOCIDE).
Christ Hedges is a light, too.
Thanks for this — I also share how you feel.
This is a very timely and honest post. The fact, in itself, that you are willing to honestly examine your own heart and admit that it falls short, is a strength beyond what, unfortunately, increasingly few people seem to be able to do.
Admittedly, I myself have had to a large degree, cut myself off from various sources of media and social media or what not, simply in order to not let my peace be disturbed. This is not to say, I do not intentionally stay in the loop enough through occasionally scanning headlines and purusing some articles, and it is not to say that there is not seriously horrible stuff going on today. It's more just to say, that other than being informed enough to know the basic state of affairs, media has no use but to provoke passions and hatred. This is how people make money from podcasts to newspapers to just about anything out there. If I were you, I may consider, trying to intake the minimal necessary to be informed, so that you can pray for what must be prayed for, and do to your ability what can be done, but no more.
One thing though--or really two--that I want to say to encourage you is this. First of all, love for enemies, is the mark of a saint,of the culmination of theosis, or at least of reaching an extraordinarily mature spiritual state. That is not to say we should not seek to do it, but rather that it is something which takes much spiritual growth and grace. Secondly, despair even over one's failures or other's failures is a passion. This is not to say that we don't care, but pity and grief, are different, than despair. As far as I can tell, the only way to live in this world with true love, is not to eliminate what has always the case: this world is not heaven, but full of madness, wickedness, and most often it is not intentional as much as the product of people being a heard or mob who have no clue how to discern their right from left hand. Whether 10,000 years ago or or in our supposed age of "progress," we have to admit and reconcile the fact that we live in hell and that to love our neighbors is not as much to fix them--how can we make anyone do anything, really?--but to enter into the hell that much of the world is currently in.
For instance, it's easy to think of Donald Trump as on easy street even though he's a false prophet and unrepentant narcissist doing unthinkable things; but, if we look more closely, the truth is that there is no greater hell, or few greater hells than the one he is currently in. No one is more lonely and dead, and constantly besieged by the passions than a narcissist; and nothing is more pitiable--because of how terrible it must be--to not know love or how to love. Now this is not excusing any of his actions or to say he's not going to suffer greatly for what he has done in the next life. Rather, it is to notice that as Dosteovsky said, "people, even the wicked, are much more naive and simple-hearted than we suppose."
So what do we do? We realize two things. One, that if we can't acquire a spirit of peace then we will never truly have something to offer others--or thousands as St. Seraphim of Sarov did. And two, this world, and our life in this world is but our gestation in the womb--eternal life will come and as bad as this sounds--those who suffer in this life will receive crowns and those who evade suffering will find torment. Physical torment in this life is nothing compared to the torment of someone even in this life who is spiritually dead. In war, people can become heroic saints just simply because love emerges for their brother or sister. In the most horrific of circumstances, spiritual heroism may emerge; but, in times of comfort, and idleness, when we think we have all we need by acquiring material comforts, we more often than not, will find ourselves in the next life experiencing the hell we evaded in this life of all those who we ignored and because of having never known love at all. Nothing is worse than to not love, and the pain you feel is because you do love. Christ descended even unto hell and as hard as this sounds, should we want to become a healing presence in this world, to a degree we must realize that to see clearly in this life and to not evade it's truth is hell. But if we allow Christ to enter into this hell, his love that eclipses death, corruption, and even the difference between being and non-being, then I think, we will not only learn love for our enemies, but Christ within us will begin to pray and at that point, we become the point where evil stops and grace enters the world.
Our age is an age polluted by it's sense of self-righteous progress; but we have only hid the evil better and kept it more out of sight. If anything people today are generally more spiritually dead than in ages when they had no choice but to cry out to God. I am not trying to excuse anything or anyone here, but we are not God, but if we allow God to meet us, as we keep our mind in hell and despair not, then we will rise with him even in this life, and begin to know how to pray with true love, with sacrificial love, taking on the burdens of others, and coming to see that we should mourn because of what is happening, but not hate; for more pitiable than anyone in this world are those who run it and who have lost the capacity to love and see the very vacuousness of their own souls and hearts.
I hope this helps. And I'm not saying not to do anything physical or material to help others, but only trying to be realistic about the limitations of what we can do in this manner.
Thank you so much, this is a wonderful and thoughtful response that brought me much peace. I'll be thinking over this for a while.
Thank you for writing this, Pierce. I want you to know that you are certainly not alone in this. In reading your words, I found my own recent thoughts expressed quite clearly and honestly. Your words were like a bonegraft for my own grief, and I appreciate your honesty and contrition very much. Pray for me, too. I have no other hope than that of the gospel, but sometimes, in our despair, the good news sounds hollowed out and flimsy. I'm not sure there's any getting around that. It must be lived through.
Praying for you and yours in this mutual wilderness
Thank you. It means a lot to me that you feel the same way. God bless you. I will certainly pray for you.
I want you to know: your broken-hearted honesty is not a disqualification—it is a proof that Christ is alive within you.
The saints did not love the world because they found it lovable; they loved because they knew Christ’s love was stronger than its hatred. What you are feeling—the shattering, the sorrow, the unbearable ache for justice and true mercy—is not a sign of failure. It is the wound of God opening inside you. It is participation in the Cross.
In Desert and Fire, I often write that true love is not sentimental; it is crucified. It bleeds. It questions. It aches in the silence when easy answers have rotted away. And yet—and this is the miracle—it holds on. However frail, however trembling, it clings.
You are closer to Him than you think, because you are sharing in His agony for the world. The flame may seem like it is flickering out, but even a hidden ember is enough for resurrection. Christ does not ask you to save the world—only to stay with Him in the garden a little longer, even if it is in tears, even if it is in weariness and confusion.
Your cry matters. Your love, however battered, is still love. And the God you are fighting to believe in is even now fighting for you, more fiercely than you know.
Do not lose heart. You are not alone. I am praying for you today.
Beautiful! I hear you and am praying for us all too!
Thank you so much. Your comment moved and comforted me greatly.
Bravo! Well said!
If I may suggest a book. “Experience Jesus. Really.” By John Eldridge A Protestant author with a seemingly simplistic approach and message….appropriate for a New York Times best selling author. But it’s deeper than it seems on the surface and I find myself beginning to find hope (and love) again. He writes for the “ordinary mystic” which will not sell well with the Protestant religions who shudder at the word mystic.
A lot of his message focuses on Psalm 91
I'll grab a copy of this. Thanks so much for the recommendation.
you’re welcome. I hope you find it edifying. I recommend the actual book as opposed to the audible. I have both and the book goes down much smoother than the audible reading. My personal opinion anyway.